I am home. I have spent the last two days at the David City Health Center, over a toe. 1 pinky toe that had an unfortunate date with a shard of glass a week ago. It got infected as my XXY compromised Auto Immune issue often do and had strains of Strep B and Ecoli and something else in it and well that allowed me to obtain one of 16 beds at this little town medical center while visiting with my old IV friends Zosyn and Vancomycin for 42 hours. I also met every Doctor and Nurse in town. So much for laying low in a small town. Everyone knows there is an XXY running around Nebraska, Now.
I am at home. I will spend every day returning to this clinic to have the toe, re packed with gauze and irrigated with saline in hopes that this will heal it. If it does not heal it, Then I will have an MRI and we will address weather the toe stays or leaves.
I am at home. I should be worried about my toe, my health or the fact that it might snow tomorrow, maybe the upcoming election or the fact that FEBREEZE has infiltrated all the food in my refrigerator and instead………
IM THINKING ABOUT MEN AND IF ILL EVER HAVE A BF OR HUSBAND!
I met a guy about a month ago, He came over for breakfast one day and we chilled and watched a movie and he left that day around 1pm. I didn’t have dishes, I dropped my eggs on the floor. He sat on my couch and laughed. He explained to me that his side job will keep him extremely busy during the holidays as its a seasonal gig and in January he will be all about crafting a relationship. I want to believe that. His communication skills, like that of every other man on the planet earth are deplorable! I have NO idea how I rate with him, Does he like me? Am I wasting my time? Am I a contender? I like everything about him!
My dance card in NE has been quite full, I have been flirted with and met a lot of “Huskers” already in my short little stay. I’m an adult and I am a fan of casual sex. That said its starting to feel like the same ole story of being an Intersex Female is akin to being trans and that’s akin to being a porn star and being on every guys bucket list!
Why? What do they really think of us??
I recently had a guy tell me “There are two types of women in the world! 1 type you marry and the other you just fuck! I would never Marry, You!” Classy, He’s not in my league anyway but I wonder if most men feel this way?
I also have met many men around the country who seem eager to engage with me in some sort of something. but they usually are not attractive to me and poor or well, just no drive at all for anything.
last night in the hospital, i met a guy online that was “My Type” from what the online app had decided and we did seem to have a sense of something. tonight after waking from my ambien/antibiotic induced coma we chatted for 3 hours. at 3am I shared a selfie and his response was so caustic it stung!! For everything he had learned about me, for all the knowledge I shared , he jarringly placed me back into some kind of cross dressing narrative where I was an ugly shrek looking freak. Basically, He became an ASSHOLE and I cried.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM AND WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE!
I am confident in being INTERSEX and 47XXY and having breast and a CLITTERDICK! I am OPEN and RAW and as a friend has said I am a GOD and GODDESS and A TOUGH FUCK IN A KNIFE FIGHT!
when I settled down, I could hear my mom in my head, be happy with all the new things you have in your life, a new town, a house, new things, new experiences. I am TOTES grateful for those things! BUT, I want a BF I want to date, I want that love that is only mine and intimate and uncomplicated and complicated. I want that!! I’ve always wanted that! It pains me that there are so many singles out there, that men are commitment phobic and want just the milk! The ones that are not commitment phobic also want a lot of milk but cant afford a carton , much less a Cow! I ramble, I hope your still reading.
I asked God, If I would ever find that!? I prayed and said WHY??? I heard my spirit reply…….
“Worry about your toe, Juleigh!”
Love you mean it! -Juleigh