“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.” – Oscar Wilde
Oscar was a gentleman. Oscar Loved the arts, Theatre, paintings, frivolous fun, good food and great sex. Oscar was Gay, True but he embodied the perfect gentleman in his style, flare and prose. He wrote about them as he came across them, In a time when they existed. Where have all the gentleman gone…
We have talked in this blog before about dating and dating as an intersex female. Its HARD!! I am on every dating app out there. Bumble, Tinder, Grindr, Plenty Of fish, OKCupid you name it I’ve tried it and because of WHO I am and how the world is I have to be super open about what I bring to the table. I lead with “I am an Intersex Female……” I lay it all out and when a guy on these sites initially engages with me I make sure I ask if they have read my profile first! That it is important before moving on. Once they say they have and are ok with it the dance begins.
The Dance and the moves can go anywhere and they often do. some of the moves consist of “I’ve always wanted to fuck a trans” or “May I wear your panties” or “Lets dress together” to “Can we make a video?” or “Do you want to be my little slut” to “So do you have both a penis and a Vagina?” The Dance is often crude. You feel like the gorgeous prom queen 25 years later dancing with the town drunk!
occasionally you will meet a wolf in gentleman’s clothing!! They pretend to understand where your coming from still yet to confuse you and devour you whilst your not looking!
this past Thursday night I connected with a young man on Bumble. We talked for 5 hours about philosophy, veteran affairs and acts of kindness, we even set up a meeting for Sunday. Then Friday morning he texted me and said he was sorry but that he was drunk and not into trans women. That he liked me but that he was confused and drunk and it had been a mistake. Feeling pretty low after that one I got a text from someone that I had been trying to meet up with for 3 weeks. he was available and wanted to come and hang out Friday night. Sure. He said he was supposed to be off at 6 and would shower and come over. Once in my presence we made out and watched a movie and then of course we test drove the merchandise…..Then he aptly stood up and asked if there was a gas station nearby that had a 24/hour convenience store. I said “Yes” and showed him where to go…..I asked if he wanted me to go with him and he said “No you look amazing in that bed, ill be right back with a pizza and beer and we will continue this …..” He never returned, never texted, never called. Its now Tuesday and still no word. WHO and WHEN…or WHEN…Or WHY…WHAT??!! What ever happened to respecting ANYONE!! We are all Adults!! Are We Not??? Why not say “I’m going home now, That was Great! Thank You!” But to receive , SILENCE is Unacceptable in ANY SITUATION….GUY or GIRL!! Where have all the Gentleman Gone??
Saturday I was starting to feel like its me….I’m never going to find anyone I went out with a girlfriend and we ended up at a dive bar 1 town over. At first I was uneasy after another drunk called me DUDE 4 times in a row. Then I met a farmer. He read my bio we laughed and chatted and he asked me to dinner on Sunday night. Sunday night at 6pm he told me He had to work and while he wants to hang out that it wouldn’t be Sunday and he would reach out soon, although he should have pushed me up against the wall and made out with me.
I dont remember EVER treating anyone like this as a guy. I’m currently watching my all time favorite musical “On The Town” with Gene Kelley. Have men always been assholes? Was gene Kelley an Asshole? I cant imagine him showing his dick to women when they smiled at him. Can you imagine him turning to Ivy in On the Town and say “Ivy, I mean Miss Turnstiles…May I sit on your face in your hoochie coochie panties and write slut on your torso while my buddy Frank Sinatra here videos it for my Porn Hub Page???” I DON’T THINK SO!!
Why have we allowed Men to not be Gentlemen?? Why has this, HOW has this become the norm? Im lost. I am waiting for the gentlemen to come back, if ever!