Picture of Juleigh Mayfield

Juleigh Mayfield

Death by TUG

Everyone has depression. I honestly believe that! Everyone at some point in their lives, suffers from a form of depression.

Some, will tell you they don’t! They don’t want to seem weak, or Vulnerable.

I feel like we all will though at some point.

I have been in this house for 6 weeks. “Healing”.

The same walls , the same routine, lots of sleep, I’ve watched Everything on Every Streaming Site.

I’ve blogged, swiped left and right on countless men whom cannot even seem to respond to a simple “Hi, We Matched!! Reach out if your interested in A date!”

I mean they swiped right on me, Right??

Do you Ever feel like your going thru the Motions on your own??! Or you know people read your social media input and yet when you see them in public they give you a really cool , “Oh!! I had NO IDEA?? You’ve been thru this??!”

Is it impolite to scream BULLSHIT at them?? In my Head I’m Screaming “BULLSHIT!!”

I can’t fault them, it’s a lot to process. My story. I Get It.

I recently met a guy who wanted to date me , but NOT in Public and wanted to dress as Bunnies when together??!! How your Brain is doing that “Etch a Sketch” thing right now….that’s how I Feel about my entire life.

I watched a film on amazon today about Luna, a 2 year old Killer Whale left by his pod. Just Luna, underweight and Starved for attention until he was like 5 , swam up to Every boat, had the Government and Native Americans fighting over weather he should be touched or left alone…..Then He Swam into a Propeller Of a TUG BOAT!!

I was hoping for an uplifting story of hope and the bastard swam into a dam propeller!!!!!

Here I sat listening to Ryan Reynolds Saccharine voice and sobbing because I really felt for Luna , The Boy Whale with a girl name or the Girl whale sometimes called Bruno because he helped with the town Logging industry and just wanted a fucking connection and in the end made a poor decision to say Hi to the back end of a Tug Boat!!!!

I identify with Luna❤️ the 🐳.

Do you ever think of how you would do it?

You know, if you couldn’t fight anymore? ,love anymore?,

Advocate anymore??

If you didn’t care ?

My roommate came home today and I imagined walking out the front door, putting a pistol in my mouth and pulling the trigger. That’s too messy though, plus I’d have to plan for that because I’d have to write letters and stick post it’s on my belongings so something I was attached to doesn’t go to anyone I don’t like!! The fact that I’m putting so much thought into the things I own should tell you I’m not at that point yet.

I have been down this road before. I always snap out of it.

My day gets better, a friend calls or sends a message of hope. Someone reminds me I have things to look forward too…..

A name change

A Frightfully, New Haunt with New Relationships

A trip with Friends



But I honestly believe, We all from time to time

Get Depressed.

And that’s OK

Maybe When I’ve had enough, One Day

I’ll Swim Directly into A tug Boat Propeller! Like Luna⚰️😆

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